THE PLIGHT OF AFRICAN WIDOWS Adewale Kupoluyi

Few days back, an opportunity came up to, once again, review the plight of many widows in our midst. When a woman loses her husband, she is confronted with a big problem that is prevalent in many African societies; dehumanising widowhood practices, which should no longer have a place in the modern world. This book titled, “Heartbeat of a widow: An endless pulse”, by ‘Bukola Olokode, is a modest attempt by a middle-age woman and now a widow to share her experiences of what it truly means to be a widow; someone who has lost a vital part of her soul to the cold hands of death.
 
Her tale is a blend of sorrow and joy. It is a mixture of loneliness, abandonment, solitude and thanksgiving. For her and those who find themselves in this condition fostered on them by nature, the secret of survival in coping with the big challenge is simply to forget about the past and move on with life, as given in the 180-page book, published by Oba-Omo Printers. The author is able to articulate the coping strategies for widows in her book that is structured into nine chapters of very captivating and thought-provoking discourse. Chapter 1 is titled, “The loss”. Here, the widow narrates the moments when her loving husband died and the trauma of having to break the sad news because she was so shocked to see her husband die. She disclosed that the burden of having to absorb the shock was so much because only one of her three children was around to comfort her.
 
Chapter 2, which is titled, “Endless tears”, recalls that when one loses a dear one like a husband, it becomes extremely difficult to get someone else or a replacement of who to share one’s aspirations, dreams and beliefs with. She bemoans a wrong perception by the society that when a husband dies and leaves behind a fortune, then the wife or partner does not have any problem again. She notes that this impression is erroneous and untrue, saying a widow’s cry is endless. “Traditions”, is the title of Chapter 3, where the author narrates the ordeal many widows face all in the name of observing traditions within the African setting. Such experiences, according to her, are harrowing and humiliating; contributing largely to why the widow’s heart vibrates without ceasing such as sex labour, dehumanising treatment and diseases such as HIV/AIDS.
  
Chapter 5 is titled, “The letters”. In this chapter, the author reminiscences over the series of letters she got and also wrote following the death of her beloved husband. She singles out just four of such letters that she received because they “stroke the particular chord”. Of particular interest was that one written by her daughter to her late father, calling for his intervention in solving vital personal issues as she likened the letter as the ‘balm of Gilead’, stating that letters were not fabricated but re-presented verbatim in the new book as a means of encouragement for women having the same challenge.
 
Chapter 6 dwells on the relationship between God and widows. Titled, “Husband to the widows”, the Olokode highlights the importance of marriage obligations to members of a family and submits that widows are God’s wives and He is always defending their interests as well as the fatherless, who are often subjected to the vagaries of life. “My testimonies”, is the title of Chapter 7, where she shares her experiences after losing her husband. Even though things have been very rough for her, she still finds the courage to move on with life. She cautions widows to be sure of what they want otherwise, people would readily give them what they have.
 
Chapter 8 gives some wisdom, which is a collection of wise sayings that are meant to teach a wailing heart, encourage a depressed heart and troubled spirit to be alive and radiant. The nuggets become the required tonic, morale-booster and guide. She lists out 50 of such ‘wise’ quotes including that of Herman Melville, a novelist, writer of short stories, and poet from the American Renaissance period, whose writings were published between 1846 and 1857.  The final Chapter 9 titled, “Letting Go”, allows the author to bare her mind that though it may be difficult but the truth is that whatever loss comes to a man, it is always better to let go and move on. In doing this, she suggests 15 ways to let go of such worries that are mostly man-made.
 
However, few discrepancies have been noted in the publication such as the use of the word ‘been’ instead of ‘being’ (page 3) and ‘his most’ instead of ‘him most’ (page 21), among others. No doubt, the author has told her story in the book that should be a reference material for the menfolk, who are at the centre-stage of her touching experience. It is also a must-read for widowers, guidance and counsellors and those searching for knowledge in general. Certainly, Olokode has shown in her book that the heartbeat of the widow endless.