Adetutu: Love trials by jumping into lagoon

The tragedy of Adetutu Adedoku, a beautiful lady who furiously alighted from a taxi and jumped into the lagoon in Lagos, threw many Nigerians into shocks and dismay. Miss Adedoku was said to be an officer of the Department of State Security (DSS), and even recently was applauded for her outstanding performance by the director general.

It was reported that Miss Adekoku was in a heated argument with her would-be-husband on a phone call when she abruptly took her own life by jumping into the lagoon like in Hollywood science fiction thriller film. Several media reports indicate Adedokun committd suicide because her fiancée cancelled their marriage few days before its appointed day. Her body sunk deep into the lagoon’s heavy water, while all efforts were made by the Lagos State Emergency (LASEMA) and other rescue workers to recover it from drifting into oblivion.

Those who follow trending news on social media have seen beautiful picture of Adetutu. Many people commented saying even if her fiancée had abandoned her on the altar, she would have had a better chance to get another husband, since, “There are a lot of fish in the river”. It was like Mss Adedoku has rated herself so low for by committing suicide because her fiancé changed his mind to marry her.

In this turbulent world or rather nation, coping stress mechanism is the hallmark of an intelligent person. As an active intelligent officer, why should Miss Adedoku invest all her emotions in one direction, without giving it a second thought? In this life everything is possible, life is imponderable and unpredictable. Disappointments and tragedies are part of our existence that is why there is a saying, “Do not pray for an easy life, but pray to God to give you strength to withstand the difficulties.”

For an effective discharge of his duty, a DSS officer must be someone who learns to work under stressful situation, must possess self-decipline and withstand external and internal pressures. He must control his desires and emotions, which is why he is called an “Intelligent Officer”.

He must be emotionally and socially intelligent. One philosopher said if you want to do something start it from the end, then come back to the beginning. He means you must forecast and predict to gauge the end result of the success or otherwise of your action. Khalil Jibran says, “We choose our happiness and sorrow, even long before we experience them”. He says you must think the end result before committing yourself to it in the first place. You must be proactive to the long term outcome of your actions.

In the past, the rate of suicide in Nigeria is very low because many citizens are contented and satisfied with little or nothing and have much reliance on God and his divine providence. Nowadays, people are becoming individualistic and materialistic, they do not submit to God’s will when they lack wherewithal, they say “Everyone on his own and God for the rest of us.”

Psychiatrists postulate that a mild mental disorder may pass unnotice that is why thousands of Nigerians are suffering from mental illness in silence due to everyday economic and social problems. Oftentimes, they mask it because of social stigma. It is not uncommon to see someone walking and talking to himself in the street.

Advice to Every Lovelorn Lady:
A lady said, “Women are like children in their desires”. They feel hurt when cheated and abandoned by the one they trust, because they give all their hearts for what they love. A woman cannot heed advice when she is in love, because she put all her eggs in their lover’s basket.

Maintaining silence and calm posture when in anger is a great remedy, a lady should not rush into decision when in anger. They say, “Everything that starts in anger will end in regret”. If Adetutu allowed her anger in time, she could have gotten a solution to her quagmire. “If I could prescribe only one remedy for all the ills of the modern world, I will prescribe silence,” Soren Kierkegaard.

Any lady getting married must seek guidance and counselling. Or better still she must get advice from older housewives with firsthand experience over the years. A woman must tap from older women’s wisdom in the world of market place. No matter the tangled web of the problem there is always a sage woman who knows the resolution to the problem.

Every lady should read books, yes read books. Learning never ends. I recommend reading a realist non-fiction novel, that talks about life in general. From reading she will acquire vicarious experiences of marriage itself and host of life experiences. From reading, she will get analytical thinking and problem solving skills. Those who read are more humane and have capacity to excel in every aspect of life.

If a lady gets a nice job or hails from wealthy family she will meet many fake suitors. Many men are gold-diggers, preying on emotionally weak ladies who desperately want to get married.
Every woman should learn to wait and get into relationship slowly. A woman should not just throw all trust overnight to new-found lover. Allow time to grow and to know each other very well, one scholar says, “Be slow to fall into a friendship”. This will help by giving ample time whether to deepen your trust or to halt it completely.

They say, “Time is a great healer, it heals everything”, if late Adetutu waited she would have sponged off her anguish, nothing is permanent in this world. Every thing will come only to become history, the world is like a speedy express train.

They say, “Happiness is within”, one of many defects of our education system in Nigeria is laying much emphasis on material not spiritual aspect. It concerns with superficial instead of essence of human kind. Educational must gear towards teaching soft skills to students not just pure subject content. Resilience, social skills, emotional skills, communications, self-control and host of other skills high in demand in the 21st century.

Lastly, in all our dealings, we must not take a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We use sense of reason to our problems. And we must expect the unexpected as life comes with ups and downs. We must seek God’s grace as the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

Adnan writes from Ungogo, Kano.
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Twitter: @realadnantweet