On October 7, 2009, I did a piece in my column in the LEADERSHIP entitled: “Yes, all are thieves!” When I wrote that article, kleptomania was not as rampant as we have witnessed in the past 10 years. I have decided to recall the epistle, prodded by a popular Yoruba proverb which says, and I translate, “Rather than a witch’s condition to get better, she keeps breeding female offspring”. Nigeria is a witch helplessly watching her offspring looting in trillions. Below is a rebirth of the piece.
Enjoy it:
Hon. Gbenga Oduwaiye, a member of the House of Representatives from Ijebu Ode Federal Constituency, recently sang a familiar tune during an interview he granted the LEADERSHIP SUNDAY. Gbenga’s words: “All of us are corrupt, including the followership.” There is a particular line in the interview I will like to re-echo: “A people get the kind of politicians they cultivate”.
I agree with him in to-to. Just as it is often said that a people get the kind of leadership they deserve.
Yes, we are all thieves. Take for instance, I am elected or appointed into a high profile public office, owning a push-me-I-push-you jalopy. And after two or so years, I return to my village in the same jerking, coughing or sneezing jalopy, my people would order me to be ferried straight to a lunatic asylum. They would pass me for the biggest fool ever. They would expect me to dip my fingers in the till, and come back with an armada of cars, jeeps and one or two Gulf-stream jets. They would expect me to have stolen so much money, dollars and pound sterling inclusive, from the government to feed the entire village for life. They would deify me for lining an entire street in Maitama or Asokoro (in Abuja) with mansions. But if I know that lapidation awaits me in the village for abusing my position, I would think twice before pillaging the treasury.
Yes, we are all thieves! In Nigeria today, the only thriving industries not affected the prevailing harsh economic environment are politics and the civil service. If a detailed census of the thieves of our patrimony all over the country is taken today, politicians, bankers/business tycoons and privileged civil servants would bag the gold, silver and bronze medals in that order, leaving the rest of us spectators cheering them to steal more. Just look at the recklessness and audacity with which they loot the resources meant for all of us, especially since the return of thievocracy 10 years ago.
Yes, we are thieves! I weep for my country, Nigeria. Nigeria is like a stupendously rich father who is hapless to be saddled with Corruption as a wife, giving birth to hardened felons. Yes, all are thieves! Thievery is a primordial felony. It all started in the Garden of Eden when Satan, sacked by God for attempting to steal His Throne, came to deceive Eve to steal and eat the forbidden fruit. That was the origin of thievery. And corruption personifying Eve, who entertain the deceiver, has passed the crime along (from generation to generation), thus inviting death which itself is a thief. It steals people’s lives.
Yes, all are thieves! Politicians steal votes through rigging or assassination of their opponents (using death) to capture power. Civil servants eliminate one another to climb up the ladder and sink their greedy teeth in the commonweal. All sorts of stealing are perpetuated in all facets of our national life. I am not pointing an (accusing) finger at the hydra-headed monsters – politicians, bankers/business moguls and civil servants – only. In fact, I have been very careful not to point a finger. This is because when you point an accusing finger at someone, the three fingers which automatically turn in your direction show that you are three times worse than the accused. In this case, I am pointing an accusing pen.
Yes, we are thieves! General Muhammadu Buhari, the awesome anti-corruption czar, was also aware of the implications of pointing an accusing finger at the corrupt politicians of the Second Republic when he, instead, pointed a gun. With the gun, he harried the corrupt politicians into detention. Unfortunately, the Nigerian factor frustrated his agenda to put asunder what the kleptomaniac politicians have joined together, that is Nigeria and his evil spouse earlier referred to as Corruption.
Yes, we are thieves! Did I say earlier that I wept for Nigeria? Now, I weep no more. Rather, I wail. I wail because some men of God have joined the bandwagon driven by Satan, the god of theft, to fleece their flocks of their hard-earned possessions. There is so much brazen stealing by trickery going on in some churches that would make Satan himself look like a play-class material. The global economic meltdown (GEM) provides a fertile platform for these daylight robberies.
Yes, we are all thieves! Indeed, Nigeria has been transformed into a huge gambling enclave where all kinds of cha cha take place. Before the arrival of Sanusi the sanitizer, who came to sanitise the banking sector, virtually all the banks had one kind of gambling or the other in place to lure customers into patronage. They would ask you to open an account with N30, 000 (only) and win a Hummer Jeep worth N30m. The GSM (global system meltdown?) service providers are not left out in this mad rush to steal from their patrons. So, also are the remaining manufacturers of goods which are yet to relocate to Ghana or Burkina Faso. They all invite you to become a millionaire overnight through gambling… a euphemism for stealing.
Yes, we are all thieves!What the smart men (of God) do is to organize all manner of programmes with catchy phrases like ‘No More Roadblocks’, ‘Operation Pull Down Your Jericho’, ‘Possessing Your Possessions’, etc. Gullible and frustrated Nigerians would normally troop to the venues where they are conned to sow seeds, the equivalent of gambling. There was a Jos experience involving a man who was swindled of his only Mercedes Benz car by his pastor under the pretext that God(?) wanted to bless him with a bigger car. He obeyed. Six months on, no replacement was in sight. Tired of his Legcedes Benz, he confronted the pastor and asked that his car be returned to him since God was not yet ready to bless him with the bigger car. The pastor counseled him not to throw away his miracle which was getting nearer and that when the day is about to break, it gets darker.
Yes, we are all thieves! Another pastor conned a lady member of his church of her sewing machines which he passed to his wife for her own business. When the husband of the lady tailor got wind of the swindling, he flew in from his base in Lagos, breathed down the pastor’s neck and recovered his wife’s means of livelihood. The Benz man was not that lucky. He failed to recover his car which was the only means of transportation the pastor had.
By the way, is my able President, Alhaji Umaru Yar’Adua reading me this morning? You were lampooned for going to Saudi Arabia instead of the United States where world leaders had converged at the United Nations to jaw-jaw about the global climate change. Your Excellency, don’t mind them ojare. What bothers us in this country today is not climate change. Your frequent sorties to Saudi Arabia may profit us in the long run. I am sure you are studying the anti-corruption mechanism of the Saudi government which tallies with the sermon of the Lord Jesus Christ when He said that if your (right) hand would cause you to sin, it is advisable to chop it off. For, it would be better to be bundled into the Kingdom of God as a stump than to go to hell two-armed or two-legged. That is not Sharia. In other words, the fear of losing an arm or two, or a limb or two, would deter people from romancing with larceny.
But I foresee a big obstacle at the National Assembly which is the haven of politicians and where the amputation law would have to pass through. Some of the lawmakers would (understandably) argue that you can take a man out of stealing but you cannot take stealing out of him. They would cite instances of the recent involvement of the physically challenged fellows including the blind in felonious acts. No problems. By the time a man or woman is reduced to a stump, his or her propensity to romance with theft would vanish… because there would be no legs to carry him or her to the stealing points and no hands to operate. Besides, having been reduced to a stump, the felon would have no choice than to turn to his Creator for forgiveness and see if he /she could be admitted into heaven handless and legless.
And please don’t pay any attention to Farida Waziri, the EFCC chief hound, who is canvassing for a legislation to examine the mental state of political office seekers. How many mad men or women are cruising around in choice jeeps or owning mansions in Nigerian corrupt space?
Yes ke, all are thieves!!!
