Infidelity or cheating appears to be one of the major reasons many couples are in court today requesting for the dissolution of their marriages. PAUL OKAH speaks with a cross-section of Nigerians on whether cheating is a good/enough reason for divorce.
Divorce becoming common
Infidelity can be a significant and potentially irreversible breach of trust in a marriage and for many people, it can be a good reason for divorce. Nowadays, it’s common to hear men and women talking about how their husbands or wives cheat with reckless abandon. Cheating is a dominant issue on social media these days too. However, whether infidelity is a sufficient reason for divorce depends on various factors.
Some individuals may view infidelity as an absolute deal-breaker, while others may be more willing to work through the issue. The context and motivations behind infidelity can influence the decision for divorce. If the marriage was already struggling or unhappy, infidelity might be the final straw. In contrast, if the marriage was strong and healthy, couples might be more inclined to work through the issue. If both partners are committed to seeking counseling and working through the underlying issues that led to the infidelity, it might be possible to salvage the marriage.
If the infidelity was a symptom of deeper issues, divorce can allow individuals to create a healthier environment for themselves and their children (if applicable). Indeed, divorce can have a significant emotional impact on children and it’s crucial to prioritise their well-being. Lastly, if possible, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about why he or she cheated or is cheating so that you can resolve whatever the issue is because divorce is becoming common in Nigeria. Couples need to dialogue and not divorce at the slightest opportunity.
…Vivian Akinwumi, civil servant
Things no longer the same
The institution called marriage is fast losing its essence. Nowadays, nobody wants to make sacrifices for a relationship or marriage to work. The issue of infidelity was not a big deal in the past. Our parents married several wives and had concubines, but it was never a big deal.
Nowadays, a little going off the rails, you will hear threats of divorce and actual divorce instituted by supposed women claiming they know too much or fighting for their rights. There’s a common saying that an African man is polygamous in nature. One woman can never be enough for a man, no matter how we like to deceive ourselves.
Scientifically, it has also been proven that a man needs to ejaculate regularly or over 21 times a month to mitigate prostate cancer, but how many women can make themselves available for their husbands at all times? A woman you married will be complaining of headache, tiredness and fake issues to avoid sleeping with you as her husband, but will rush to blame or divorce you for sleeping with another woman. So, it’s a big deal to a woman for her husband to sleep with another woman, hence they can start demanding for divorce.
The same woman won’t see it as a big deal to pass on another man’s child to her husband until a DNA test is done to expose the paternity fraud. If a woman demands for divorce, the man can oblige her as he doesn’t have much to lose. That said, infidelity is not a good reason for divorce, but many women these days will rather divorce than listen to advice by older folks; hence, the avalanche of single mothers living in regrets and agony everywhere in Nigeria.
Ironically, many women, after accusing their husbands of cheating and obtaining divorce, end up becoming side chicks or mistresses to other men. It is the most stupíd thing to divorce because of cheating and then start dating another woman’s husband to make ends meet. So, let’s look before we leap into marriage.
… Opeyemi Yusuf, teacher
Lawful
In Nigeria, the legal implications of cheating, also known as infidelity or adultery, can vary depending on the specific circumstances and the type of marriage. Under customary law, cheating can be a valid ground for divorce. For statutory marriages (those registered under the Marriage Act), cheating can also be a ground for divorce, but it must be proven in court. In the event of a divorce, the cheating spouse may forfeit some of their property rights.
Cheating can be considered when determining child custody, especially if it’s deemed to have affected the cheating spouse’s ability to care for the children. The cheating spouse may still be required to provide maintenance and support to their former partner and children. To prove infidelity in court, one must provide evidence, such as testimony from witnesses who can confirm the infidelity or photographic or video evidence, which is visual evidence of the infidelity.
If the cheating spouse admits to the infidelity, it can also be used as evidence. Even the process of seeking divorce is complicated and can take years, so some don’t even have the strength to go through it and hence have to stay in the marriage.
.. Michael Augunus, legal practitioner
Many other factors
Cheating is a common issue many people face in marriage. With beautiful women everywhere, it takes discipline and the grace of God for a married man to stay faithful. To make matters worse, the issue of assertiveness is making many women dress half-naked or move around practically naked to seduce men anywhere you turn to in Abuja, Lagos, Port Harcourt, Calabar, Abakaliki, Uyo and other cities you can think of.
That said, some people may consider divorce because trust is broken as cheating can destroy trust and intimacy in a relationship. The betrayal can cause significant emotional pain and distress, especially for women. If the cheating partner is not willing to take responsibility and work towards healing, it may be a sign that the relationship is not sustainable.
However, others may choose not to divorce due to cheating because they may feel committed to working through the issues and rebuilding the relationship. It’s not even easy to divorce, so I prefer for couples to work things out than divorce because of infidelity, but again, it depends on those involved.
… Juliet Okafor, ICT consultant
It’s complicated
Apart from domestic violence, infidelity is another major reason many people are rushing to court to divorce these days, that’s if they married under the act. If it’s a customary marriage, the return of the bride price automatically puts an end to the marriage and each person moves on.
However, it’s common to see family members intervene in marriages to stop divorce. I personally won’t even advise anyone to divorce because of cheating because it will be ridiculous to cite it as a reason in an African setting. Some women will even prefer to stay without being advised because they know what it takes to start all over again in a society that encourages polygamy. Apart from that, there are many complex and personal reasons why people may choose to stay in a marriage despite infidelity.
People may still feel deeply in love with their partner and be willing to work through the infidelity. The thought of starting over and being single again can be daunting. Couples may have invested years of emotional energy into the relationship and feel reluctant to give up. Staying in the marriage may provide financial security and stability.
Couples may prioritise the well-being and stability of their children over their own personal happiness. Societal, family or cultural expectations may encourage people to stay in the marriage. Couples may choose to work towards forgiveness and healing, rather than giving up on the relationship. So, cheating in marriage or infidelity is complicated, but I personally don’t find it as enough reason to end a marriage.
… Kingsley Ukpong, architect