From chatting on Twitter, Instagram, facebook and WhatSapp to sliding into one another’s direct messages (DMs) to getting married. In this day and age, where the internet rules everything, it can be pretty difficult to find true love. SAMSON BENJAMIN in this report examines the rise in social media marriages in Nigeria against the backdrop of the social media romance between sulaiman Babayero Isa and his American lover Jeanine Delsky.
Delsky and Isa
A 46-year-old American woman, Jeanine Delsky, came to Panshekara, a suburb of Kano, to meet her 23-year-old online boyfriend, Sulaiman Babayero Isa.
Ms Delsky, a chef who lives in California, USA, landed at the Malam Aminu Kano International Airport, Kano, on Saturday, January 11, 2020, and went straight to Panshekara to meet the parents of her lover.
The two lovers met on Instagram a year ago, exchanged pictures and started online courtship.
In an interview with journalists in Kano, Ms Delsky said she decided to follow her boyfriend to Kano because of her love for him. She said many people had courted her online, but she found Isa as the most loving and sincere.
The mother of two said they both agreed to get married and fly to the US where they intend to settle. Holding the hands of her beau and smiling, Ms Delsky said she realised her dream by meeting the love of her life.
“He messaged me on Instagram saying Hi,” she said in a separate interview with Kano Focus.
“I didn’t respond because I have had experiences with Nigerian scammers. But there was a guy messaging me and Sulaiman knew he was a scammer so he said ‘get a job and quit scamming innocent people.’ So, I thought he sounded like a nice guy.”
Isa, who has just completed his secondary school education, said he is ready to follow his girlfriend to America to settle down and build a family.
He said he was not bothered about the age gap, adding that “it’s even the Sunna of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, Peace be Upon Him, who urged faithful to marry a woman who is far older than you.”
Isa, a barber, expressed optimism that Ms Delsky would one day accept Islam and become a Muslim.
Also, Isa’s mother, Fatima Suleman, said she had no objection to her son’s relationship with his American girlfriend, adding that she would pray for them to have a happy married life in America. The wedding is expected to hold in March, this year.
True love on social media
Speaking with Blueprint Weekend on the possibility of finding true love on social media, a relationship expert and founder of an online dating site naijasingle.com Bumi Cooker said it is possible to find true love on social media.
“With the coming of the internet came the good, bad and ugly. There have been serial rape cases, serial killing, theft, scams and plain evil which sprung from the internet. However, successful businesses, lasting relationships and even beautiful marriages have also sprung from the internet.
“People find love in the strangest of places including on social media these days. We have many examples of couples who met on several social media platforms and having their relationship blossom into something very deep and meaningful. Many couples today meet on social media and they are happily married, proving that one can find love anywhere.
“Social media will forever remain one of the top match-making technologies ever created and stories of people meeting their life partners on these platforms, proves these to be true,” she said.
Nigerian celebrity marriages on social media
Blossom Chukwujekwu and Maureen Esisi
Though the marriage between Blossom and Maureen has crashed, it is important to note that the duo met on Instagram. Maureen was the first person to make a move in the relationship. She made this known via her Instagram account when she shared a screen shot of the very first conversation she and her ex-hubby had. She was the first one to initiate a discussions after Blossom had liked about one million of her photos. Blossom Chukwujekwu and Maureen Esisi only dated for just three months before he proposed.
Ebuka Obi Uchendu and Cynthia Obianodo
Popular Nigeria fashion and TV icon, brand ambassador and Lawyer Ebuka Obi Uchendu is one of those couples who met on social media. His wife, Cynthia Obianodo, asked her fans to ask her any question for 30 minutes and she was asked where she met her hubby. “Twitter,” she revealed. They met in November 2014, got engaged in April, 2015, and married traditionally in October, 2015. Ebuka makes a living on TV screen, but holds a master’s degree in Law, specialising on Intellectual Property Law and Communication Law.
Ik ogbonna and Sophia
Ik ogbonna met his ex-wife Sonia Ogbonna on Instagram. A mutual friend gave IK her Instagram ID, and from there they started talking. According to him, he was on set when a friend of his showed him Sonia’s picture. “When I saw her, the first thing I told my friend was I was going to marry her.” IK and wife got married in 2015, at a courthouse in Zagreb, Serbia. Their marriage is blessed with a son, Ace. Sonia is also the stepmother of IK’s daughter from another lady. He had the daughter before she met him.
Banky W and Adesua Wellington
Banky W and Adesua Wellington’s relationship came as a surprise to Nigerians as there was no sign that the two were in a relationship. Banky and Adesua shared with their fans on how they met. Banky said he first met Adesua in 2015, and after inquiring about her, he went online to search for her and found her social media handles. He said, “I looked her up online and I liked what I saw. I googled her, stalked her on the gram and a day or two later, I slid into her DM like the real man that I am.”
On her part, Adesua said Banky’s first message to her made her laugh. “If you can make me laugh, I can almost guarantee that we are going to get along and his first message made me laugh.”
Caution
Despite all the glamour, Mrs. Josephine Nwankwo, a marriage counselor, warns youth against getting spouses on social media.
She said, “It is wrong to get married to someone whose background you do not know. In those days, parents investigated the families their children were to marry from or marry into before sanctioning the union. This tradition has endured to this day even with globalisation and interracial and interethnic marriages. Sometimes you wonder whether the marital institution that some of these youngsters are preparing to get into is the same one you know.
“Long before Christianity berthed in Africa, family units were responsible for the stability of African societies. A family starts with marriage which unites man and woman, so stable families and marriages are the bedrocks of a stable society.”
Continuing, she said: “In making that crucial decision, they ought to answer some fundamental questions. Am I ready to spend the rest of my life with this person? Can I tolerate his shortcomings for the rest of my life? Do we share common core values? Are there meeting points where our values and views are divergent? Does he/she fall within my latitude of acceptance? Does he/she have any health challenges or dark side or past I ought to be aware of? What is his/her genotype? Some of these questions cannot be answered adequately in relationships conducted via Skype, video calls, e-mails, Facebook, Instagram and whatsApp. You need some level of physical interactions.”
NAPTIP’s take
In its contribution, the National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP) warns youth against engaging in social media and Internet marriages.
Its director-general, Mrs. Julie Orkah-Donli, gave the warning recently during a sensitisation visit to the Iruekpen Mixed Secondary School in Iruekpen, Esan West local government area of Edo state.
Orkah-Donli said the warning became imperative as it has been discovered that human traffickers also use such marriage arrangements to introduce ladies into prostitution.
She also advised students against early marriage, especially when they are below 18 years; and to make choices of their spouses by themselves.
She said promises of enrolling youth in football academies, modelling agencies and sponsored pilgrimages were current ways being adopted by human traffickers in enticing their victims.
According to her, any person could be trafficked, whether young or old. Human trafficking, she said, is a scourge that will require involvement of all stakeholders to eradicate.
Orkah-Donli said human trafficking could cause depression, unwanted pregnancy and even death of the victims, and listed causes of human trafficking as poverty, illiteracy and greed, among others.
The director-general said sometimes, trafficked victims, aside from being used for prostitution, also have their organs harvested.
She, therefore, advised students to protect themselves and say no to offers from strangers who promise them greener pastures abroad.
Expert’s advice
Meanwhile, in spite of the possibility of finding your heartthrob on social media, Mrs. Bumi advised young people to take precautionary measures before getting into relationships with people they meet on social media.
She said, “Safety is a major concern on social media. These issues are all over the world, like the murder and dismemberment of Ingrid Lyne, a 40-year-old Seattle-area mother of three. Closer to home are the cases of late Cynthia Osokogu, the only daughter of Gen. Frank Osokogu (retd.), who was lured by Facebook friends to Lagos, drugged and killed in 2012, adding that and a manager in Shell Development Petroleum Company (SDPC) Nigeria and a businessman were killed in Rivers state by fraudsters impersonating as women on a dating site in 2014.
“When you eventually decide to meet physically a person you met online, exercise some patience and take your time to research them online. You can do this by using Google Images to check whether the photos they are using belong to someone else and check social media sites to ensure they really exist.
“Where possible, do a background check before agreeing to meet. Hire a private investigator to run a background check, as well as to find out if the person is a criminal. This is highly advised because dating sites do not investigate the claims people make on their online profile.
“Having done all these and you feel safe meeting with the person physically, ensure you meet in a public place. Not just any public place but a place you feel comfortable in. No matter the financial restraint, do not meet in your house or his or her house, as that could open you up for rape, robbery or getting killed.
“ Inform your friends and family about your online date, first of all to be sure you are not too carried away to detect a scam, and secondly, so they know where you are going to. During the date, do not change location. Do not get into the car with him or her or ask to be picked up at your place, no matter how luxurious the car is.
“Curb your greed Bear in mind that the world we are in, nothing comes entirely free. Do not be greedy during the date; be modest, especially if you do not want to give anything in return. Also, try not to intoxicate yourself; hence do not drink too much so that you have all your senses intact during the date, more importantly, so that you do not end up making yourself vulnerable. Be cautious and ensure you do not accept already opened drinks from your date to avoid being drugged. At any point of the date the food or drink tastes off, discreetly stop eating and/or drinking. Anything can happen. After all said and done, expect the unexpected. Despite how many times you have been on a date with the person you met online, do not let your guards down.”