By Ene Osang
Abuja
Treat a stubborn child like any other child. Parents tend to want their kids to toe the line, fit in and be nice, but if you’re constantly harping on your child about his stubbornness, he’ll start to think there’s something wrong with him. That’s why it’s so important to accept your child for who he is. Don’t try to beat this quality out of him, rather try to find better ways of making the child understand what you expect him to do.
Most children tend to be stubborn during the toddler and teenage years. Sometimes, it is a part of their personalities that parents are required to manage and in other cases it is simply a way to test boundaries and assert their own freedom to do something or not.
Teaching stubborn children to express themselves and deal with their stress in healthier ways is important. Discipline a stubborn child by remaining calm, listening to and understanding the child and setting a good example of acceptable behaviour.
Steps to handling a stubborn child
*Observe the child
Observing a child whether stubborn or not is very important because it helps parents know what the child is capable of doing.
*Stay calm
When you respond to a stubborn child with anger or yelling, you are reinforcing the child’s belief that negative behaviour is normal.
*Watch how your child is acting
When your child continuously repeat what you ask him not to do, don’t panic; rather, try to determine what makes the child uncomfortable or resistant. Child development experts believe children become stubborn when stressed or tensed and do not know a socially acceptable way to express those feelings.
*Remove the child from the situation
This might be a public place where your child is refusing to observe rules or the dinner table, where she is not using proper manners or is refusing to eat.
Give the child time to calm down. Once she is removed from the situation that brought on the stubborn behaviour, you will have an opportunity to understand the real problem.
*Listen to your child
Instead of using tricks, you just need to communicate. The cause of stubbornness can be that the child desires more attention. Give your child the time to talk to you always; it would be easier for you to know his problems and anxieties.
*Discipline with patience and affection
Like the popular African saying, when you flog a child with the right hand, draw him close with the left hand. This is because children need to feel safe and loved, even when they have done wrong.
Constant yelling and threatening makes children more stubborn. There should be a peaceful and happy environment at home.
Behave the way you expect your child to behave, because children see parents as role models.
*Make positive behaviour a privilege
For a child who refuses to do chores, try something like “Would you like to help me with the dishes?” or “If you behave well today, I will let you set the table for dinner.”
*Demonstrate reward
Instead of scolding your child to do something, for example, saying “You cannot follow me until you wear your sandals,” try “As soon as you wear your sandals, you will follow me out.”
*Provide options out of stubborn behaviour
The “do-it-your-way” approach, for example, “You can use as much soap as you want as long as you wash” or instead of saying it is bed time say “It’s 8pm., do you want to read a book first, sing a song or say your night prayers?” This alerts the child to the fact that it is bedtime, while offering enjoyable things to do as he gets there.