Last Sunday, many nations across the globe celebrated Mother’s Day, which was an opportunity for many people to show their appreciation towards mothers and mother-figures. It is an annual event that is held on various dates in the calendar, depending on the country. While celebrating our mothers, the various challenges facing the womenfolk should not be swept under the carpet for a better appreciation of their tangible roles and the quest to address such problems in society. These range from poverty, rape, gender discrimination, female genital mutilation, and humiliating widowhood practices, among others.
An opportunity for this appraisal by recalling an interesting publication on widowhood titled, “Heartbeat of a widow: An endless pulse”, authored by ‘Bukola Olokode, which is a modest attempt by a middle-aged woman and a widow to share her experiences of what it truly means to be a widow; someone who has lost a vital part of her soul to the cold hands of death. Her tale is a blend of sorrow and joy. It is a mixture of loneliness, abandonment, solitude, and thanksgiving. For her and those who find themselves in this condition fostered on them by nature, the secret of survival in coping with the big challenge is simply to forget about the past and move on with life, as given in the 180-page book.
The author is able to articulate the coping strategies for widows in her book that is structured into nine chapters of very captivating and thought-provoking discourse. Chapter 1 is titled, “The loss”. Here, the widow narrates the moments when her loving husband died and the trauma of having to break the sad news because she was so shocked to see her husband die. She disclosed that the burden of having to absorb the shock was so much because only one of her three children was around to comfort her. Chapter 2, which is titled, “Endless tears”, recalls that when one loses a dear one like a husband, it becomes extremely difficult to get someone else or a replacement of who to share one’s aspirations, dreams, and beliefs with.
She bemoans a wrong perception by society that when a husband dies and leaves behind a fortune, then the wife or partner does not have any problem again. She notes that this impression is erroneous and untrue, saying a widow’s cry is endless. “Traditions”, is the title of Chapter 3, where the author narrates the ordeal many widows face all in the name of observing traditions within the African setting. Such experiences, according to her, are harrowing and humiliating; contributing largely to why the widow’s heart vibrates without ceasing such as sex labour, dehumanising treatment, and diseases such as HIV/AIDS. Chapter 5 is titled, “The letters”. In this chapter, the author reminiscences over the series of letters she got and also wrote following the death of her beloved husband. She singles out just four of such letters that she received because they “stroke the particular chord”.
Of particular interest was that one written by her daughter to her late father, calling for his intervention in solving vital personal issues as she likened the letter as the ‘balm of Gilead’, stating that letters were not fabricated but re-presented verbatim in the new book as a means of encouragement for women having the same challenge. Chapter 6 dwells on the relationship between God and widows. Titled, “Husband to the widows”, the Olokode highlights the importance of marriage obligations to members of a family and submits that widows are God’s wives and He is always defending their interests as well as the fatherless, who are often subjected to the vagaries of life. “My testimonies”, is the title of Chapter 7, where she shares her experiences after losing her husband. Even though things have been very rough for her, she still finds the courage to move on with life.
Chapter 8 gives some wisdom, which is a collection of wise sayings that are meant to teach a wailing heart, encourage a depressed heart and troubled spirit to be alive and radiant. The nuggets become the required tonic, morale-booster, and guide. She lists out 50 of such ‘wise’ quotes including that of Herman Melville, a novelist, writer of short stories, and poet from the American Renaissance period, whose writings were published between 1846 and 1857. Finally, Chapter 9 titled, “Letting Go”, allows the author to bear her mind that though it may be difficult but the truth is that whatever loss comes to a man, it is always better to let go and move on. In doing this, she stresses the need to curtail such worries that are mostly man-made in a bid to truly make the lives of our womenfolk worthwhile in the spirit of celebrating another Mother’s Day.
