Last week, I did a piece here warning ladies to beware of the apple of Sodom. The apple of Sodom is a metaphor for something that looks extremely attractive but has an underlying danger. Many ladies have gone through the process of transforming their physical features… to become more attractive to the opposite sex via plastic surgery.
Some have been fortunate to realise their dream shapes; others have ended up with loss of shape through failed reconstruction, while health complications became the lot of many. Yet others did not live to regret their misadventure.
A dyed-in-the-wool female reader of this column took me on over the apple of Sodom stuff and challenged me to balance the equation by discussing the extent some men go to please their lady friends and even spouses. I gave her my word and went in search of the piece I wrote on November 25, 2011 entitled “The menace of Viagra Vendors”.
I had just fuelled my tank at a filling station opposite the premises of the Nigerian Security Printing and Minting Plc situated along Muhammadu Buhari Way, Abuja. As I pulled away from the pump area, a voice, belonging to an aphrodisiac vendor, screamed after me, urging me to make madam happy. Make madam happy? I wondered almost aloud. Who told him I was failing to happify my madam? I hit the brake pedal as he rushed to the passenger side of the car. He shoved a pack to my face in the manner that a referee would flash a yellow or red card to an offending player during a match. I cringed at the sight of the illustration on the pack.
It was my turn to scream, though in disgust: “What is this?”
The vendor was shocked by my apparent naivety. Then his salesmanship persuasion came more alive, saying, “Oga, if you use this thing, madam go dey happy so teeeeh….” I will spare the readers the details of the graphics that depicted the mood of the couple on the pack. As I eased myself out of the station, I heard him assuring me that the content was loaded with potency capable of transforming the user from a short distance runner to a marathoner! Much, much later, I came to realise what he meant. We will come back to that shortly.
Aside from Viagra, the much-sought-after aphrodisiac which is very expensive and commonly used by the super rich pleasure seekers then, there are now other “ogbonge” stimulants, foreign and local, the vendor claimed could work in different ways. Some enhance performance only. Others can stimulate, fatten and elongate manhood to the extent that even a horse would neigh to high heavens for envy. Let me again recall, as I did in 2011, the episode that took place in Kano some years back. A polygamist got a high-powered aphrodisiac from a local herbalist. Fully charged, he engaged his three wives one after the other. After he was done with the trio, his erectility refused to collapse. It remained at attention for four days running and he had to shell out N50,000 to get his subjacent flag lowered after days on admission in a hospital.
After that harrowing experience, the polygamist distanced himself from any form of stimulant. Experts say that aphrodisiacs are a two-way traffic: they could kill or render the users impotent should something go awry. Many hedonists were known to have lost their lives at the sex front.
An instance was this Nigerian-born American ex-marine who gave up the ghost in a Lagos hotel during a sex war some years ago. The young man named Norris Cole from Delta state, even fought in the Gulf War when the United States raided Iraq to rescue Kuwait from the late Saddam Hussein, branded as the Thief of Baghdad.
Ironically, Cole survived the shooting war in Iraq but died in the sex front. He was said to have soaked himself in a performance enhancing stimulant believed to be Viagra which was reigning at the time.
The social media is replete with all manner of aphrodisiacs backed by all sorts of penile enlargement and elongation therapies which many men have hugged in order to pleasure their women. Most present-day young men, I have since discovered, are in the eternal struggle to impress their women. They are dissatisfied with and embarrassed by the size of the manhood God made for them. Many women denigrate men with small or medium-size manhood. Before now, many men would go under the knife to fatten their manhood to feel like a king that their women want them to be. An accident can occur to a manhood lengthened beyond the God-given size through whatever means or method advertised on the social media just to blow a lady’s mind away. Such manhood is susceptible to irredeemable fracture during copulation.
Sometime ago, a pastor in an East African country carried women’s desire for massive manhood to a ridiculous extent when he asked the congregants to come to church with cucumbers, the size they dreamt for their spouses. I watched the photo on the social media and I was aghast at the sizes of the cucumbers the women held above their heads. He prayed on the fruits and told them to pass same to their hubbies to eat. I would not know if the men eventually had their manhood transformed to the expectations of their wives.
There was an account that trended in the international and local media about the ordeal the late Moamar Gaddafi’s young mistresses including his virgin body guards went through in his lifetime. According to one of his aides named Faisal, the late Libyan strongman had a voracious sexual appetite and was so addicted to Viagra which helped him to bed a minimum of five women daily. Indeed, Gaddafi was a strong man, even in bed!
Faisal also narrated how Gaddafi got his manhood lengthened, an endowment he combined with Viagra to inflict internal injuries on some of his mistresses with shallow fissures. If all men possessed the kind of punishing manhood Gaddafi paraded, ladies and women would not drive the men overboard in search of extra large manhood.
Ever heard of “indomie” or two-minute noodle men? Those are the short-distance folks. Most men detest this categorisation and would go the extra length to reverse the status. Yes, most men hate hitting the bed running and breasting the tape in a matter of minutes. But a runner that is not naturally built for a long distance race may end up gasping to his early grave. Sexercise is like athletics. Some runners are made for sprints (“indomie” men) and some specialise in middle and long distance races.
Any man that enlists to change his God-given subjacent status just to please a woman should think twice and remember this piece of advice: no bird goes down with a falling tree no matter the comfort it might have provided.
Is there any lady or woman out there willing to stand by any man with a manhood that has failed in an attempt to grow a dream size, no matter his good looks or nature? Such a woman should raise her hand… no one!
