To say that I was bemused reading a story of a young lady who was influenced by her parents to reject a guy she truly loved because of “Lefe” (boxes filled with wrappers, jewellery, cosmetics, shoes, etc. that a man takes to the house of his fiancée) will be a gross understatement.
Unsatisfied with what her soon-to-be beau had offered, the lady, in question, asked him to change the lefe items with expensive ones or perish the thought of marrying her. He asked why and she explained to him that the things he brought are not up to her taste because she is about to graduate from the university and therefore deserves better. She insisted that he has to come and pick up his boxes. Respectfully, his friend went to her house and picked them up.
Thereafter, he stopped calling her. She became worried and asked him why he stopped calling her. He told her that there is no point in calling someone who doesn’t love him and that was the end of their conversation. He sold all the boxes, started a business, and happily got married three years after.
This story happened 13 years ago. The lady is now a graduate and still unmarried. Unfortunately, she came out to share her experience with the public because the same aunties that influenced her to reject the man because of his inability to fill the boxes with pricy things are the same people asking her to be the fourth wife to an elderly man who perhaps she doesn’t like.
She is 32 and keeps regretting her decision on siding with her mother and aunties. She desperately wants to know his whereabouts to apologide to him. I think there are a lot of lessons in her story. Her last words were: “Ladies, not all that glitters is gold. Lefe isn’t important, dowry isn’t important…”
Even though Islam is not in conflict with our native cultures, it is imperative that parents make it easy for their children to get married to avoid them becoming promiscuous. More importantly, now is the time to abolish the culture of offering lefe, as a necessity for our Muslim youths, especially the ones in the North, to become couples. It is one JIHAD that must be fought.
Lawan Bukar Maigana,
Maiduguri, Borno state
