When you’re madly in love, sometimes there’s a tendency to give a lot more than you should in a relationship. All you do and all you think about revolves around your partner. This laser-sharp focus can sometimes consume you to the point where you lose yourself and begin to lower once tightly held standards. Here are four areas you must keep guard over when involved in a relationship.
1. Self-worth
Don’t remain in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Do you find that the more time you spend with your partner, the worse you feel? This is a sign that it’s time to reconsider the relationship. You should make an effort to surround yourself with people who support you and make you feel good about yourself.
Therapist Mark Tyrell said you shouldn’t completely base your identity on how others see you, but you should be aware of how the people in your inner circle make you feel. “Your self-esteem shouldn’t be totally dependent on the person with whom you happen to be in a relationship. But the fact is, relationships do have a big impact on the way you feel. And that includes the way you feel about yourself…How’s your self-esteem? How’s your relationship? The two can be more intertwined than we realize,” said Tyrell.
2. Personal beliefs
No matter how in love you are, backing down when it comes to your personal beliefs should not be an option. If you strongly feel a certain way about an issue that is near and dear to your heart, you shouldn’t be made to feel that you have to adjust your views just to keep someone close. Once you start compromising your values and beliefs, you’re likely to start compromising on other things as well.
Margret Paul, psychologist and co-author of Do I Have to Give up Me to Be Loved by You? said some compromise is healthy, but it’s important not to compromise to the point where you begin to lose yourself. “Most relationships require us to bend to a certain extent, but how much can we bend without a loss of self? There is an inherent paradox in these questions: A truly loving relationship is a relationship where each person accepts and even values the differences between them. If you have to excessively bend your values to preserve the relationship, what are you preserving? You are not preserving a loving relationship, since love does not demand that you excessively bend your values,” said Paul.
3. Family
If your partner tries to isolate you from your family or turn you against them, this is something to be concerned about. Possessiveness might make you feel special at first, but when it’s overdone to the point that you’re being kept away from family, something is wrong. Psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato said there should be balance when it comes to how much time you and your partner spend together. “The goal, of course, is to find a balance in which both members of the couple are happy with the time they spend together, maintain their outside friendships and family relationships, make progress towards their professional goals, and give the relationship a chance to flourish,” said DiDonato.
4. Close friendships
Everyone needs good friends in their life. Quality friendships make life richer and can help you get through the unexpected rough patches that come along. Resist the urge to spend all of your time with your partner at the expense of your friendships. Remember that if you break up, your friends will be the ones to help you get through it. Don’t push them away so you can focus on your love life. Be leery of any partner who encourages you to distance yourself from your friends (unless they are toxic, then that’s another story).
If you have a group of trustworthy people in your life, do your best to keep them close. DiDonato said friends can be helpful when it comes to making decisions about your relationship.
“Friends are not only support systems, their opinions of your relationship predict your relationship success (Sprecher, 2011). Find ways to stay connected with your friends when you start a new relationship. Integrating your new partner into your friend group is a great way to remain connected with your friends, while giving your relationship a new context in which to grow and develop,” said DiDonato.
