N36m-guzzling snake?

According to Wikipedia, snakes are elongated, limbless reptiles belonging to the suborder Serpentes and are largely carnivorous. Recently there was an addition of a money-eating snake onto the snake taxonomy. This, yet to be fully characterized, snake swallowed 36 million naira from the safe of the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) in Makurdi, Benue state. This naira-philic snake marks a turning point in the evolution of snakes. Although we don’t have an idea of the naira notes swallowed by the neospecie however, N36 million is equivalent to 360 bundles of N1000 notes or 720 bundles of N500 notes. From the number of notes devoured, one can make an educative guess as for the size and weight of the snake. The largest snake in Africa is African rock python and it measures 6meters or more.
The new snake might be equal or larger than African rock python to have engulfed 720 bundles of N500notes or 360 bundles of N1000notes. We also need to know how the snake devoured the notes, is it at once or gradual? Is the 36million the only money in the coffers? Or could it be that the snake’s belly was full and therefore couldn’t finish all the money deposited. This particular attribute is an integral component of the characteristic features of the snake. It is what differentiated it from normal snake as the snakes we know are carnivorous. The sensory apparatus and ability of the snake to accurately identify target (Naira notes) are essential and can go as PhD research fellowship. To the best of knowledge of an ordinary folk like me, that colossal amount of money should be kept at least in a drawer under lock and key in an office scarcely accessible to the general populace.
Therefore, we need to determine another potential feature of that snake, probably that large-sized snake most to have possessed elastic properties to have sequestered into the drawer and finished the dough. Although, the report said the money was swallowed but venomous snakes utilize venom to immobilize their prey before swallowing them. Come to think of it, this snake might have some superior venom quality that can dissolve wooden and metallic materials to gain access to its target. As the hidden creek of such a supposedly gigantic snake is yet to be discovered, I will suggest that the JAMB authorities invite snake catchers or smoke the whole building in order to suffocate it. This way, the mysterious snake will jump out for its safety. However, this is an abnormal snake and could be smoke resistant as well. While talking about the new snake in Benue, I remembered that all federal agencies supposed to be TSA compliant and JAMB payment is made online or through banks. But snakes that have strong affinity for money should have been all around banks area just like rats attract snakes. I know about the old cliché of mermaid that has a hybrid body made of human part and fish part. Consequently by extension that snake might have legs and hands to unlock the safe and empty the coffer. Snakes eat rats but eagles eat snakes. Therefore, I suggest we deploy the EFCC eagle to hunt for this new snake in our midst.

Abdullahi Sadiq Mohammed,
Mando, Kaduna

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